Overheard in New York http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/ The Voice of the City Copyright 2012 Wed, 16 May 2012 20:00:00 -0500 http://www.movabletype.org/?v=3.31 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Wednesday One-Liners Are So Hot Right Now. 20-something guy to 20-something girl next to him on subway: Excuse me, but I just had to tell you that you're the hottest chick I've seen all day. No, actually week. Maybe even month. No, wait, there was that blonde at Equinox. Yeah, you're the hottest this week.

--C Train

Overheard by: Grace Gold

Girl on cell: He just was like "lara blah blah blah, you're hot!" and I'm like "shut the fuck up!"

--84th & 2nd

Suit, loudly into cell: Karen, this is the story of my life. I give a hot offer and I get a ho-hum response.

--Behind Barnard College, Claremont Ave

Cute 20-something on phone: No! I only fuck him because he's here and you're in fucking California. If you were in the city I'd be fucking you and not him! (pause) No! I don't care that he's your best friend! He's hot!

--East Village

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]]> http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025238.html http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025238.html Wed, 16 May 2012 20:00:00 -0500 Big, Wet, Open-Mouthed Wednesday One-Liners Hot girl to male friend: If I have free time, I'm going to spend it with my daughter or my friends, who I already know, already trust and already made out with.

--7th St & 2nd Ave

Girl: I got Sweeney Todd! I feel like making out with some guy right now! I don't even care who he is!

--41st & 7th

Overheard by: Jon Clarke

Teen girl to another in nail salon: He knows me so well... He stayed at my house all week. We almost hooked up!

--E 79th St

Overheard by: Carrie

Freshman girl, trying to impress older, more cultured girl: I'm very multicultural when it comes to hooking up with people. I mean, I like to try different things, and everyone has something different to offer.

--Brooklyn College

Guy, as his face hovers an inch away from girl's: There's something about the arts--makes me wanna make out.

--Williamsburg

Overheard by: Rachel

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]]> http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025237.html http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025237.html Wed, 16 May 2012 18:00:00 -0500 Wednesday One-Liners Write Off Anal-Bleaching As a Work Expense Blonde girl to guy friend: I've never done real porn before. What's it like?

--Fordham University Lincoln Center

Loud, long-haired, seemingly-straight white guy: So I wanna do a promo for the "hard-on" part!

--15th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Flyin' Thing

Sorostitute at nearby table: So I said, 'if there's gonna be sex, take out the camera.'

--Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Man, coming out of Peep World: Blu-Ray would of course make the money shot better... Not that I would know.

--33rd St

Overheard by: Deep Tech

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]]> http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025236.html http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025236.html Wed, 16 May 2012 16:00:00 -0500 Wednesday One-Liners Are Drawn Together Girl walking out of tattoo parlor: So... Now I have a shamrock on my vagina.

--St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Alex S.

Man to friend by Rockefeller Christmas tree: I wanted to cover up the Marilyn Monroe tattoo with a tree, but now I'm against trees.

--Rockefeller Center

Blonde on phone: Okay so this guy showed me this dog standing up on his chest... It was a tattoo... But it was only half its body and he asked if I wanted to see its tail wag and I was like "no." (pause) Judy, if the man has a tail I don't wanna see it, especially since a tail is above the butt, and people shouldn't have tails!

--Times Square

Teenage girl to another: I can't decide, Starbucks or a tattoo.

--E 86th & 3rd

Overheard by: Yelena

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]]> http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025235.html http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025235.html Wed, 16 May 2012 14:00:00 -0500 Wednesday One-Liners Are Too Cool for School English teacher, seeing colleague with baseball bat over shoulder: It's time for corporal punishment!

--English Class, Bronx HS of Science

Overheard by: Lillian

History teacher: Sometimes this class just makes me want a cigarette and a stiff drink. Too bad I don't smoke anymore. Well, cigarettes, at least.

--Hunter College High School

History teacher: Zinn's lens is very very dark... Much like Nicole Richie's sunglasses.

--Millennium High School

English teacher: There's a very thin line between orgasms and spiritual revelation.

--Hunter College High School

Teacher: Any more questions? (pause) Let's talk about terrorists.

--Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

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]]> http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025234.html http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025234.html Wed, 16 May 2012 12:00:00 -0500 Wednesday One-Liners Are Kind Of a Big Deal. Hot 20-something girl on cell: Does it mean that I'm less of a person because I have a smaller crotch?

--Starbucks

Woman at coat check in hair salon: Do you have another hanger? I don't like this one, it's too big.

--49th St & Madison Ave

Drunk guy: Next stop, Mineola. All large and regularly sized olas, please get off at mineola.

--LIRR

Overheard by: VV

Crazy Jamaican guy, shouting: Everywhere I go, I see big men. Big men, wearing big suits. Big men, big suits. What do they know? They don't know god!

--District Court, Hempstead

Overheard by: Big Larry

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]]> http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025233.html http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025233.html Wed, 16 May 2012 10:00:00 -0500 Wednesday One-Liners Are Kind Of a Big Deal. Hot 20-something girl on cell: Does it mean that I'm less of a person because I have a smaller crotch?

--Starbucks

Woman at coat check in hair salon: Do you have another hanger? I don't like this one, it's too big.

--49th St & Madison Ave

Drunk guy: Next stop, Mineola. All large and regularly sized olas, please get off at mineola.

--LIRR

Overheard by: VV

Crazy Jamaican guy, shouting: Everywhere I go, I see big men. Big men, wearing big suits. Big men, big suits. What do they know? They don't know god!

--District Court, Hempstead

Overheard by: Big Larry

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]]> http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025232.html http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025232.html Wed, 16 May 2012 06:00:00 -0500 Chili's Wednesday One-Linerback Ribs Loud black lady on cell: How bout that time I drive by your house, call you up and ask where you at? You say you in a cab, I see you sitting there with your baby's mama, what up with that!

--Penn Station

Overheard by: Julie Paulie

Comedy show flyer guy: No I am not Puerto Rican! I am not wearing a flag or a baby!

--Times Square

Overheard by: Amused Passer-by

Drunk white chick: But I don't want my eggs to be babies. I want ten I be experimented on!

--Midtown Bar

Black woman to another: Cause you know: there's always that one black baby in like every ten black babies that just looks like an alien, like 'what happened to you?'

--25th & 7th

Overheard by: Andrea

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]]> http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025231.html http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025231.html Wed, 09 May 2012 16:00:00 -0500 Eat. Pray. Wednesday-One-Liner. Burly black man: I'm just not a flirty person.

--10th St & 4th Ave

Odd woman consoling her friend: You see, he could be a diamond, but he chooses to be coal! And here you are, sparkling!

--6 Train

Woman on cell: So I says to him, 'that Sue* is a good woman! You want to make her your shorty? You better get your shit together and approach her the right way!'

--14th & 7th

Straight white male on cell: I want to punish her for making me feel insecure.

--8th Ave & 19th St

Overheard by: Lisa Levy

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]]> http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025230.html http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025230.html Wed, 09 May 2012 14:00:00 -0500 Wednesday Weight-Losers Girlfriend to boyfriend: If we got married, do you think everyone in our lives would loose weight for the wedding?

--4 Train

Teen girl to friend: It's like anorexia but... spiritual.

--34th & 7th

Girl to friend: I'm paying you to tell me to gain weight so you can suck it out of me?

--Central Park

Overheard by: Fat Boy Slim

8-year-old boy: Mom, can I take off this coat? It makes me look fat.

--120th st & Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: Carol

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]]> http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025229.html http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025229.html Wed, 09 May 2012 12:00:00 -0500 Wednesday One-Liners Bring Back the Side Pony Blond-haired, blue-eyed six-year-old girl with mom to rasta: Are those ponytails in your hair?

--Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Casey

Guy with enormous ginger afro: The hair thing is very weird; I feel like everyone is staring at me...

--Bowery & 4th St

Overheard by: RED

Girl on cell, probably speaking to another girl: And she wants straight bangs, like the ones I've had for years, and she thinks it'll look good on her?

--14th & 4th Ave

Overheard by: Boblrider

Boy at bar watching Patriots Game: I love Tom Brady. His hair makes me want to be a better man.

--Brass Monkey

Overheard by: Miss Marisol

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]]> http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025228.html http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025228.html Wed, 09 May 2012 10:00:00 -0500 Wednesday One-Liners for Keanu Reeves Older man to wife, in front of freezer: "Slow churned" What does that mean? They could put anything in there--how do you know he's really churning it slow?

--Key Foods, Whitestone

Man with Russian accent: You are slow like turtle... but in the head.

--95th & 3rd

Overheard by: tom

Four-year-old boy, throwing tantrum while getting onto train: But I wanna take the r train! I wanna take the r train! The q is too slow! I don't like getting off at 7th Avenue! I wanna take the r train!

--B Train

Overheard by: I don't like the B and the Q either

Pilot, as plane is about to take off: Hold on everyone, I'm about to go reallllly fast!

--Plane Leaving JFK

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]]> http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025227.html http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025227.html Wed, 09 May 2012 08:00:00 -0500 End Sday One-Liners Six-year-old, playing video game: Whee! I'm going to commit suicide!

--B Train

Emo kid on train to another: I once tried to overdose, but my metabolism was so fast that it didn't work correctly.

--N Train

Overheard by: Rachel

Guy on cell, in bored voice: I wanna fucking kill myself... but besides that, it's just another lovely day in the neighborhood...

--Midtown, Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Nina

Female NYU undergrad to another: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I tried to commit suicide too...

--University Place & 10th St

Overheard by: Don Willmott

Girl on cell: My psychologist said I'm not allowed to make suicide pacts anymore. Sorry!

--Central Park

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]]> http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025226.html http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025226.html Wed, 09 May 2012 06:00:00 -0500 She'll Be Underemployed and Overdressed Guy #1: I'm finally got to interview candidates for my assistant position.
Guy #2: Nice!
Guy #1: Yeah, I had the perfect one all picked out, but HR had the final say so I didn't get the one I wanted.
Guy #3: Oh, who did you have in mind?
Guy #1: I had this chick that was like a sales associate at The Gap or something, but instead they gave me this chick that used to be a analyst at some bank...
Guys in unison: Too bad, man, we feel your pain!

--E Train

Overheard by: Neems

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]]> http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025225.html http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025225.html Sat, 05 May 2012 00:00:00 -0500 I Call Her Salmon Ella 16-year-old boy #1: Oh, yeah, I just mushed his face on the grill and made him eat the chicken cutlet and shit was still cold.
16-year-old boy #2: Yo, but was the grill on?
16-year-old boy #1: You mean lit? Yeah, hot and poppin', but it wasn't about the grill, if you feel me, I wanted him to die of ptomaine.
16-year-old boy #2: Next time he'll finger his own stepmom!
(they high five each other)

--Chelsea Piers

Overheard by: inconsiderate

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Link · Email · Quote this! · Del.icio.us · Posted 2012-05-04
]]> http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025224.html http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/025224.html Fri, 04 May 2012 22:00:00 -0500