Hobo: Directions? That’ll Be One Blow Job

Preppy girl: Can we have our cell phones on for the field trip?
Teacher: No.
Preppy girl: But what if we get separated from the group? How will we find our way back?
Female peer: Ask a friendly hobo.

Hume-Fogg High School
Nashville, Tennessee

Girlfriend: Oooh! Baby, we should get a dozen donuts!
Boyfriend: Okay. Do you wanna pick six, and I’ll pick six? [Girlfriend gives icy stare.] Fine, you pick all twelve. I don’t care.
Girlfriend: Twelve? I said I want a dozen.
Boyfriend: Um, honey, twelve is a dozen.
Girlfriend: I know what a dozen is, and it’s not fucking twelve! I’m not fucking stupid, you know!
Boyfriend: You’re, like 25 years old! How can you not know what a dozen is?
Girlfriend: I know what a fucking dozen is! [Looks around] What the fuck are all of you laughing at?!

King Soopers Dairy
Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: We were right to point and laugh

Marine: So, things were going really well until he blew the tranny.

Twentynine Palms, California

Sheriff: These are kind of like deputy pickles.

http://overheardinpdx.blogspot.com/2007/04/deputized.html

Overheard by: anonymous

Guy: I’ve heard rumors…
Girl: About me?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: Me and Tina both got knocked up by you.
Guy: What?
Girl: And it’s not a rumor — it’s the truth.
Guy: How drunk was I?

Millersville, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: overheardinmillersville

Engineer #1: What’s the deal with you and your two friends? What do you need two for?
Engineer #2: Hey! I like my friends! Both of them.

http://overheardatcornell.blogspot.com/2007/03/overdue-posting-new-blog-sweet.html

Overheard by: charlie

Meathead: That’s the type of woman I want to marry. I’ll bend her over, then we can have hairy Aryan babies and eat hummus together. God, what I wouldn’t do to her!
Pleased girl with him: You know, I’m really glad I decided to invite you instead of Joe!

Cedar Point
Sandusky, Ohio

Overheard by: Ckiska

Girl #1: So, I told my dad to carry my futon up the stairs. There was no way I was going to!
Girl #2: Didn’t he just have major back surgery?
Girl #1: Yeah, but I didn’t want to strain myself. I’m, like, tiny. Plus, I had to make my room look good.

http://www.overheardinminneapolis.com/2007/04/oh_well_then_thats_ok.html

Overheard by: I just lost my appetite

Child: Look!
Mom: They’re just flamingos. They don’t do anything.

Disney World
Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: Suezahn

Teen boy to friends: I tried to drink a whole gallon of milk once, but that didn’t happen and I ended up drinking a half gallon instead. Then I ended up pissing shit, man. It was awful, and it smelled so bad…

Skybridge, Providence Place Mall
Providence, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Ang