Girl: I can’t go to the bath­room, I can’t eat grapes, I… I’ll be in a bub­ble!

–Brook­lyn bound F train

Hip­ster girl, emerg­ing from Port-a-Pot­ty: Hey, guys, you have to feel this toi­let pa­per! It’s like silk!… I know, I’m a weirdo.

–Great Lawn, Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: Roz

Suit: I swear to God, it came out side­ways. It hurt com­ing out, then I got up and looked at it, and it was float­ing side­ways.

–Man­hat­tan bound J train

Over­heard by: Bar­ry P.

Voice from bath­room stall: Yes!

–Wom­en’s bath­room, Hunter Col­lege

Over­heard by: acep

Girl, to friend wash­ing her hands: Come on, let’s just go. There are more germs on the sink than on the toi­let.

–Re­stroom, Grand Cen­tral Sta­tion

Woman, walk­ing out of stall: Left you some­thing!

–Re­stroom, Yan­kee Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: alan b hutscar

Guy: When I clenched my jaw re­al­ly hard while I was try­ing to poop, I think I chipped a tooth.

–14th & 3rd