20-Some­thing chick: Yeah, well that was when I used to get drunk with his moth­er.

–176th St be­tween Audubon & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: sj

Drunk girl: I al­ways end up with the ones with mom­my is­sues. Like, does it look like I’m lac­tat­ing, moth­er­fuck­er? Did­n’t think so.

–Park Slope

Tween boy: Well, my mom was lac­tat­ing at the time, so I just drank that.

–7th Ave & 5th St, Park Slope

Pro­fes­sor: Moth­ers are not un­com­mon in fam­i­lies. Grand­moth­ers don’t count be­cause they’re not sex­u­al threats.

–Ford­ham

Over­heard by: Jess Mc­Gins

Con­struc­tion work­er: Yeah, I fucked her and her mom. I know, Ma, I’ll call her back.

–Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: Tom

Woman on cell: You need to calm the fuck down. Calm down. You need to calm the fuck down! Bul­lets do not have names. Ma­ma said that. You be run­nin’ around with the crips, with the gangs. You gonna get your ass shot. You lis­ten to me: you need to calm the fuck down!

–Metro-North

Over­heard by: Mo­joSaves

Girl: But, Mom, I can’t trust you if you don’t like me!

–Star­bucks, 75th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Ali