20-Something chick: Yeah, well that was when I used to get drunk with his mother.

–176th St between Audubon & Amsterdam

Overheard by: sj

Drunk girl: I always end up with the ones with mommy issues. Like, does it look like I’m lactating, motherfucker? Didn’t think so.

–Park Slope

Tween boy: Well, my mom was lactating at the time, so I just drank that.

–7th Ave & 5th St, Park Slope

Professor: Mothers are not uncommon in families. Grandmothers don’t count because they’re not sexual threats.

–Fordham

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Construction worker: Yeah, I fucked her and her mom. I know, Ma, I’ll call her back.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Tom

Woman on cell: You need to calm the fuck down. Calm down. You need to calm the fuck down! Bullets do not have names. Mama said that. You be runnin’ around with the crips, with the gangs. You gonna get your ass shot. You listen to me: you need to calm the fuck down!

–Metro-North

Overheard by: MojoSaves

Girl: But, Mom, I can’t trust you if you don’t like me!

–Starbucks, 75th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ali