Trendy Asian girl on cell: So, Max came over last night and we were in the kitchen, and he lift­ed me up on­to the counter and was like, ‘I am gonna fuck you so hard,’ and I was like, ‘Whoa, oh my god!’ But I could­n’t go through with it. So he walked over to the fridge, opened it up, and put his head in­side and start­ed, like, bang­ing his head against the wall. I know, can you be­lieve that?

–LIRR

Over­heard by: Emi­ly Leatrice

Hip­ster: I’d feel more com­fort­able in a sex club than go­ing on a date.

–Penn Sta­tion

Hot chick on cell: Yes! Yes! O‑M-G! We are sooo go­ing to have a sex-a-thon! Get the girls to­geth­er, my place, tonight! [To gawk­ing pas­sen­gers] Sex and the City ‑athon. Fuck­ing per­verts. W‑T-F.

–N train

Over­heard by: not in­vit­ed

Teacher: Every time you put a pe­nis in­to a vagi­na you’re risk­ing sex.

–Health Class, La­Guardia HS

Over­heard by: mf

Girl: I heard two peo­ple hav­ing re­al­ly loud sex on my floor last night. It was ei­ther gay guys or Asians, I could­n’t tell.

–Cafe­te­ria, Man­hat­tan School of Mu­sic

Over­heard by: Chris­tiana Lit­tle

Fat suit: He made me watch while he fucked some girl, so I’m gonna make him watch while I fuck some guy!

–As­tor Pl

Over­heard by: Glad I was­n’t the oth­er guy…

20-ish chick: What? I for­ni­cate all the time, and I’ve nev­er been ar­rest­ed!

–Sub­way sta­tion

Over­heard by: sub­wayrid­er