Trendy Asian girl on cell: So, Max came over last night and we were in the kitchen, and he lifted me up onto the counter and was like, ‘I am gonna fuck you so hard,’ and I was like, ‘Whoa, oh my god!’ But I couldn’t go through with it. So he walked over to the fridge, opened it up, and put his head inside and started, like, banging his head against the wall. I know, can you believe that?
Overheard by: Emily Leatrice
Hipster: I’d feel more comfortable in a sex club than going on a date.
Hot chick on cell: Yes! Yes! O‑M-G! We are sooo going to have a sex-a-thon! Get the girls together, my place, tonight! [To gawking passengers] Sex and the City ‑athon. Fucking perverts. W‑T-F.
Overheard by: not invited
Teacher: Every time you put a penis into a vagina you’re risking sex.
–Health Class, LaGuardia HS
Overheard by: mf
Girl: I heard two people having really loud sex on my floor last night. It was either gay guys or Asians, I couldn’t tell.
–Cafeteria, Manhattan School of Music
Overheard by: Christiana Little
Fat suit: He made me watch while he fucked some girl, so I’m gonna make him watch while I fuck some guy!
Overheard by: Glad I wasn’t the other guy…
20-ish chick: What? I fornicate all the time, and I’ve never been arrested!
Overheard by: subwayrider