Lit­tle girl scream­ing to moth­er from bath­room stall: Why do I have to flush every time? Oh, no, I’m stuck!

–In­di­an restau­rant

Black man singing while pee­ing at uri­nal: Oh, Lord, when can I go to heav­en? Oh, Lord, when can I go to heav­en? [Fin­ish­es uri­nat­ing abrupt­ly.] Thank you, Lord Je­sus. Hal­lelu­jah!

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

Guy in stall: I’m an athe­ist! I’m an athe­ist! [He shits.] Thank you! Thank you, MLK, for giv­ing me the pow­er!

–NYC Main Li­brary

Trendy girl in stall: The toi­let’s try­ing to eat my ass!

–Mo­ri­mo­to

Over­heard by: I’d say give a spit pol­ish more than eat

50-ish la­dy on cell in stall: Hel­lo? In the bath­room… I had to pee-pee, so I’m in the bath­room at Bar­ney’s… Yeah, so the doc­tor said she might have can­cer and she’d have to get a biop­sy… Hold on while I wipe.

–Bar­ney’s

Over­heard by: Caryn