Prin­ci­pal, over PA sys­tem: At­ten­tion: We are test­ing out the PA sys­tem. If you don’t hear this, please call the of­fice.

–Pub­lic School

An­nounc­er on 6 train (which was be­ing held at the sta­tion): At­ten­tion ladies and gen­tle­men. (pause) Does this thing even work?

–Up­town 6 Train

Over­heard by: Your Mom

Cop, over mega­phone from pa­trol car: At­ten­tion peo­ple in the park, we think you are all drunk. Whether legal­ly or il­le­gal­ly, please, va­cate the area. (a few min­utes lat­er, af­ter dri­ving around the foun­tain) Peo­ple in the foun­tain, don’t think we can’t see you…don’t use stargaz­ing as your ex­cuse be­cause there’s too much light pol­lu­tion!

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: In the foun­tain

Con­duc­tor over PA: At­ten­tion pas­sen­gers. Acts of pugilism are not al­lowed on this train.
(two min­utes lat­er) At­ten­tion pas­sen­gers. This is just a re­minder that acts of for­ni­ca­tion or fel­la­tio are not al­lowed on this train.

–Post Mid­night Drunk Train, LIRR

Over­heard by: Rob T Fire­fly

Ner­vous voice on build­ing PA sys­tem: Can I have your at­ten­tion, please? Can I have your at­ten­tion, please? Please dis­re­gard this mes­sage.

–Third Ave & b/w 50th & 51st