Gay guy to passers­by: Spare an ass­hole for a gay man?

–Union Square

Man to woman: It’s not that I’m an ass­hole; I just don’t want to be seen with you.

–Bar, Up­per West Side

Over­heard by: Er­ic

Hip­ster chic: You could fit a globe in your ass­hole, it’s so big.

–Bed­ford Ave & 3rd St, Williams­burg

Over­heard by: let­the­mu­sic­playy

Woman, an­swer­ing cell: Hey, ass­hole!

–Rite Aid, Grand Cen­tral