Guy at ATM to friend: The $60 fast cash but­ton should just be la­beled “8th of weed.”

–Chase Bank, As­tor Place

Pro­ba­tion of­fi­cer to ju­ve­nile: You think you can’t get ar­rest­ed for mar­i­jua­na? Are you out of your damn mind? You’re tak­ing a drug test right now, you out-of-your-damn-mind son!

–Bronx Fam­i­ly Court

Over­heard by: Adog

Guy to girl­friend: The more stoned I get, the bet­ter you sound.

–72nd St & Broad­way

Guy: So then I smoked a good­night bowl at Chris’s.

–E 10th St

Over­heard by: What about a good morn­ing bowl?

20-some­thing to friend: I’ll save the world sec­ond, but I’ll get high first.

–Hous­ton & Es­sex