Chick on cell: And he had a tiny little body and a tiny little head, and I was just like, "um, no."

–Equinox Gym, Wall Street

Overheard by: Ladle

Security guard, talking about senior citizens: If they sit around the house all day because they actually can't use their legs, it's fine. But if they can still use their legs and get around, but choose to stay at home, that's no good. No good.

–Museum of Chinese in America

Bar patron to bartender: If you give me a free shot, I'll rub your feet.

–Greenwood Heights

Overheard by: Sunny

Girl to friend: Well you know, it hurts at first… but then it expands. (opens cleched fist with a larger hole) And then it feels like you have a tail!

–Subway Coney Island

Overheard by: Torgrim