Man: Would you rather have a hat made of spi­ders or penis­es for fin­gers?

–93rd & 2nd

Over­heard by: Steve

Woman on cell: She told me she felt like a pecan pie cov­ered in roach­es. Is­n’t that weird? So I told her, ‘Hon­ey, it’s time to call the ex­ter­mi­na­tor.’

–Smith & War­ren St, Cob­ble Hill, Brook­lyn

Hobo: You’re noth­ing but a flea on a tick­’s ass!

–18th & Park

Hip­pie: So, I’m stand­ing there naked and this roach is siz­ing up my junk…

–Shut­tle

Over­heard by: Cap­i­tal­ist Pig

Chick on cell: … Well, if you did­n’t throw spi­ders at him…

–15th & 7th

Cube dweller: I think spi­ders would like my head — so much emp­ty space to crawl around in.

–But­t­er­ick Build­ing, NYU School of Law

Over­heard by: miss­ing in ac­tion