35-ish lady to friend: I don’t even have anything in my mouth, and I still feel American.
–Smith & President
Ferry captain: Welcome to the United States. All crew members please report for docking…
Overheard by: wondering where we were before…
Female writing professor: No, keep your mind on your money and your money on your mind. This is America, people — don’t be crazy.
–NYU Silver Center
Overheard by: Nina
Chick: Bleeding to death? Brain damage? I’m leaning towards gangrene. That’s just so all-American, Oregon Trail, you know? If he’s in this country, he’d better be ready to die like it.
Overheard by: Michelle
Professor: Brooklyn is not part of Long Island the same way New York is not part of America. We’re not in America right now.
Overheard by: And Staten Island doesn’t exist.
Boricua thug: So I say, ‘Why you be poopin’ on the shirts of America?’