35-ish lady to friend: I don’t even have anything in my mouth, and I still feel American.

–Smith & President

Ferry captain: Welcome to the United States. All crew members please report for docking…

–Manhattan-bound ferry

Overheard by: wondering where we were before…

Female writing professor: No, keep your mind on your money and your money on your mind. This is America, people — don’t be crazy.

–NYU Silver Center

Overheard by: Nina

Chick: Bleeding to death? Brain damage? I’m leaning towards gangrene. That’s just so all-American, Oregon Trail, you know? If he’s in this country, he’d better be ready to die like it.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Michelle

Professor: Brooklyn is not part of Long Island the same way New York is not part of America. We’re not in America right now.

–NYU

Overheard by: And Staten Island doesn’t exist.

Boricua thug: So I say, ‘Why you be poopin’ on the shirts of America?’

–5th Ave