Man in pink shirt: So, I saw this homeless man, and he asked for change. I was like, ‘Man, I’m even more fucked than you are. I spent my last change on a metro card.’ And then the guy is like, ‘Well, at least you have clothes,’ and so I was like, ‘No, I borrowed this from a drama performance.’ And then he said have I eaten? I was like, ‘No, I only ate a sandwich two days ago.’ The homeless guy is like, ‘You’re right — you are worse off than me.’

–N train

Chick: You know that hobo asking for a motorcycle? He now wants dinner in the Hamptons.

–79th & Broadway

Dude: If we see a homeless guy tonight, ask him if he saw last night’s South Park.

–Manhattan-bound LIRR, Port Washington line

Chick: Let’s become homeless people so we can just stay on this train.

–Metro-North to Grand Central

Overheard by: jj

Lady on cell: Yeah, I don’t like singles… I don’t like homeless people, either. I’d give my singles to the homeless.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Beez

Queer hipster: Oh my god! Some hobo just asked if I wanted to see his pubic wonderland!

–68th & Lexington

Drunk girl to friend: I mean, he’s not, like, homeless-homeless… He’s medium homeless!

–Bleecker & Thompson