Conductor: While you are waiting for trains, please do not sit on the edge of the platform. Not only could you loose your legs, but you could delay your fellow passengers.
–Long Beach-bound LIRR
Overheard by: Matt P.
Conductor: The next stop is North White Plains, and everyone needs to get off there because the train will be aborted to the train yard. Yes, the train yard… And you don’t want to be at the train yard. It is a dark and lonely place…
Conductor: This is the Six local train. Next stop is 42nd, Grand Central. And remember, folks, if you’re having a bad day, don’t try to have a good one. That’s just impossible. Next stop, 42nd.
Overheard by: freckles
Conductor: Once again, ladies and gentlemen, today is July 31st. November monthly tickets are no longer valid on this train.
Overheard by: Does that mean I can use my December ticket?
Conductor: This is the voice of your conductor. Remember, only I can move the train. [Pauses while train begins moving, then] See? Just like that.
Overheard by: McF.
Conductor: I wish you would stop sticking your head out through the doors. If you want to be the conductor, take the test. Then you can stick your head out all you damn well please.
–7 train, Queensboro Plaza
Overheard by: ProcrastYNate
Conductor: This is the Q local. An express train is right across the platform. [Doors close] Wave goodbye!
Overheard by: Zvi