Underage drunk guy to girl: You know Boston Market? You know those chickens in the rotisserie in the window? Well, imagine yourself in that position. Don’t be Boston Market.

–Duane Reade, 34th & 3rd

WASP lady: It’s so annoying — birds chirping everywhere.

–Madison Square Park

Drunk guy: Hearing birds fucking is awful. This one time I saw this bird fuckin’ another bird in the ass. Then he pulls out and a couple of pellets pop out. The other bird was shittin’ on his fuckin’ dick, bro! Birds are fucked up, man!

–LIRR, between Flatbush Ave & Jamaica

Overheard by: Stevie

Bimbette: Did you see the Planet Earth series? Remember those birds doing the mating dance? Yeah, those birds were so hot. I would do them…

–Cold Stone, 86th & 2nd

Overheard by: Shaking my head at our sad culture

Young lady suit on cell: I have a feeling today is going to suck — the crazy bird man is strolling down the block as we speak. Yeah, the one I saw on the subway last month.

–31st & 8th

Old lady: I am very much looking forward to introducing you to my chicken.

–8th & 5th

Overheard by: I am too