School­girl: …then the teacher said “Si­lence”. Si­lence is just a fan­cy word for “Shut the fuck up”.

–Union Square sta­tion

Black mom: Spat­u­la, I’ve got two words for you: be-have!

–6th Av­enue sa­lon

Boy, 8: Sor­ry, Dad. I had to stop be­cause my peg-leg got stuck!

–Park Slope