Cashier: How are you?
Cus­tomer: Do you want the hon­est an­swer?
Cashier: Yes.
Cus­tomer: I feel like the busi­ness end of a don­key. I am ex­treme­ly hun­gover and did a moun­tain of co­caine last night. Now I have to make din­ner for a 68-year-old gay artist who is try­ing to fuck me.
Cashier: I’m… sor­ry.
Cus­tomer: And the woman I love is in an­oth­er state preg­nant with her ex-boyfriend’s ba­by, and I wish the ba­by was mine. And I’m sleep­ing with a dom­i­na­trix. And it’s all true.

–Whole Foods