Sec­re­tary in stall, to an­oth­er: I told her that in this po­si­tion she has to wear her teeth in. You can’t go around here with no teeth in your mouth.

–Of­fice re­stroom, Mid­town

Over­heard by: Anony­mous Law Firm Em­ploy­ee

Woman on cell: What? Turn your hear­ing aid up! Put your teeth in! I can’t un­der­stand you!

–Prince & Broad­way

Guy to girl­friend: Hey, babe, I got­ta run to the in­ter­view. Can you check my teeth for hairs?

–Madi­son Square Park

Over­heard by: Guy

Saucy Lati­na: She has the hair of every den­tal hy­gien­ist I’ve ever known.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: McF­reaky

Girl on cell: What?! You haven’t show­ered in a day? At what time? Pe­dro Miguel*, that is nasty! Your balls must be sweaty and stinky. Smell your un­der­wear… Have you even wiped them with a ba­by wipe, at least? Have you at least brushed your teeth? You’ve brushed your teeth, but not show­ered? How is that not nasty?!

–Bx12 bus

Over­heard by: Silent­But­Dead­ly

Hobo: Does any­one have an ex­tra tooth­brush or two dozen eggs to spare?

–Out­side Grist­ede’s, UES

Over­heard by: no eggs to spare