Con­duc­tor: This is the last stop — Brook­lyn Bridge, City Hall. Y’all have a nice day and be good, now… But if you can’t be good, be baaad.

–6 train

Over­heard by: Paul Schroed­er

Con­duc­tor: Good morn­ing, every­body. This is your 7:15 New Haven train, ex­press to Green­wich. To in­fin­i­ty, and be­yond!

–Con­necti­cut-bound Metro-North train

MTA work­er: This sta­tion is now closed. No train is com­ing here. You all have to get out of here!

–8th St N/Q/R/W sta­tion

Over­heard by: bKSquared+AV

Con­duc­tor: Ladies and gen­tle­men, please re­mem­ber that every car of this train has four doors, so 27 peo­ple in front of one door — well, it is not schol­ar­ship ma­te­r­i­al. Let’s use our brains, peo­ple. Then you won’t have to bump your guns and com­plain that the A is nev­er on time.

–A train, 96th St

Over­heard by: Emi­ly B.

Con­duc­tor: At­ten­tion pas­sen­gers, the last two cars will not plat­form at Bellerose, ei­ther. That means if the doors did­n’t open for you at the last sta­tion, they won’t open at Bellerose, ei­ther, so stop stand­ing look­ing con­fused, and walk for­ward!

–Hemp­stead-bound LIRR

Over­heard by: Nathalie

Con­duc­tor: For those of you stand­ing in the first five cars, the back three cars are al­most emp­ty. Come sit down! I’m lone­ly back here.

–Metro-North

Con­duc­tor: And now… the mass ex­o­dus!

–F train

Over­heard by: da sarkastik nin­ja.