Guy on cell: That? Oh, that’s nothing. It’s just a bunch of angry baboons trapped behind a…

–Columbia University

Overheard by: wish I’d caught that last word

Barnard bimbette, about global warming: So, with the polar bears drowning and all, like, what are people worried about? Because, like, there are polar bears at the Central Park Zoo and stuff…

–Columbia University classroom

Overheard by: yeah, cages are a great alternative

Dude to pal: You want tigers, bro? There’s over five thousand tigers to choose from.

–W 4^th & Jones

Male economics professor: I must confess that over time, in my lifetime, I’m a monkey.

–NYU Cantor Center

Overheard by: NYU student

Curly-haired woman: Did I mention that the penguins have returned to my lobby?

–113^th St

Overheard by: McFreaky

Student: You know how snakes can swallow their food whole? What if a person swallowed a snake whole, and then the snake turned inside out, and then ate the person from the inside? That would be awesome.

–Stuyvesant High

WASP on cell: I said ‘camels.’ He wants to go to Radio City to pet the camels. Fucking psycho.

–Metro-North