Guy hold­ing ba­by: I’ve de­cid­ed I’m go­ing to write a pop-up his­to­ry of the an­cient world, based on Herodotus. Should be great for ba­bies.

–Strand Book­store

Amer­i­can his­to­ry tu­tor: The on­ly dic­ta­tor I know of is Hugo Chavez, and that’s be­cause I met him.

–Jake’s Sa­loon, 57th & 10th

Over­heard by: poor kid’s gonna fail that test

Rich mom with two kids: … And it was named af­ter our coun­try’s first pres­i­dent, Christo­pher Colum­bus.

–117th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: does­n’t get colum­bus day off

Guy to friend: If I can make it through the ’80s, I can make it through any­thing.

–As­tor Pl

Over­heard by: squish­duck

Pro­fes­sor: Sigis­mon­do Malat­es­ta was the on­ly per­son in his­to­ry to ever be pub­licly con­signed to Hell by the pope. Now, that’s when a pope was a pope. I wish the pope would just get on TV and say, ‘You’re go­ing to Hell!’

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty — Rose Hill

Over­heard by: Christi­na

Guy: Wait, have I ever told you guys about my ir­ra­tional fear of the late 1800s?

–NYU dorm

Over­heard by: Dan­i­mal