Loud, shit-faced Asian girl to strangers: You want some of this? I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love sex. [falls for­ward, taps stranger on fore­head.] her­ro! Any­body home?! [laughs hys­ter­i­cal­ly].

–Metro North

Drunk chick: Fuck tech­nol­o­gy, first it kills the bees, now it’s killing my ovaries!

–A Train

Drunk guy: Last night I shit on my balls!

–Williams­burg

Over­heard by: Con­fab­u­la­tion Na­tion

Drunk girl to drunk boyfriend: Well, you fin­gered me in the cab!

–A Train

Drunk prep­py busi­ness­man: Just tell her to put the oil in the noo­dles and rub it all over the chest…

–33rd & Broad­way

Over­heard by: volup­tuous­grl

Drunk girl in the bath­room, pick­ing up plas­tic bag from the garbage: Whose ba­by is this?!?!

–Madi­son Square Gar­den Bath­room