20-something woman: Is she a bialy in real life?

–Tomo sushi, 110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Very large black woman on cell phone, bellowing: I don’t do no motherfucking corn bread! Why the fuck you always want corn bread, motherfucker?

–St. Luke’s-Roosevelt Hospital, 114th & Amsterdam

Punk girl to another: I wish I was a muffin. But I’m not. I’m a human.

–B Train

Overheard by: id rather be a cupcake

Black Whole Foods employee to black whole Foods customer: You have to be raised on it, you hear me? I was raised on c‑town, key foods. I ain’t gonna pay no 4 dollars for no eggs.

–Union Square Whole Foods

Clueless suit on cell: I’m just really bad at knowing if stuff is perishable or not. I just don’t know. Ok, so ice cream ‑that’s perishable, right? Butter ‑non-perishable. Caviar isn’t perishable either… Wait, what? Oh, butter is perishable? Wait, how do you know? Does perishable mean it has to be kept in the fridge? Ok, so does caviar have to be kept in the fridge?

–E 60th St

Angry 20-something on cell phone: Why? Why? Because I can’t eat spaghetti-o’s anymore!

–E 13th St & 1st Ave