20-some­thing woman: Is she a bialy in re­al life?

–To­mo sushi, 110th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Ur­su­la & Winifred

Very large black woman on cell phone, bel­low­ing: I don’t do no moth­er­fuck­ing corn bread! Why the fuck you al­ways want corn bread, moth­er­fuck­er?

–St. Luke’s-Roo­sevelt Hos­pi­tal, 114th & Am­s­ter­dam

Punk girl to an­oth­er: I wish I was a muf­fin. But I’m not. I’m a hu­man.

–B Train

Over­heard by: id rather be a cup­cake

Black Whole Foods em­ploy­ee to black whole Foods cus­tomer: You have to be raised on it, you hear me? I was raised on c‑town, key foods. I ain’t gonna pay no 4 dol­lars for no eggs.

–Union Square Whole Foods

Clue­less suit on cell: I’m just re­al­ly bad at know­ing if stuff is per­ish­able or not. I just don’t know. Ok, so ice cream ‑that’s per­ish­able, right? But­ter ‑non-per­ish­able. Caviar is­n’t per­ish­able ei­ther… Wait, what? Oh, but­ter is per­ish­able? Wait, how do you know? Does per­ish­able mean it has to be kept in the fridge? Ok, so does caviar have to be kept in the fridge?

–E 60th St

An­gry 20-some­thing on cell phone: Why? Why? Be­cause I can’t eat spaghet­ti-o’s any­more!

–E 13th St & 1st Ave