Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to take this time to remind you all that there are four doors on this subway. Four doors. So when you’re waiting to board or exit the train and everyone is crowded around one door, just remember that there are four doors. Say it with me now… One… Two… Three… Four… Very good. The magic number for today is four. 

–E train

Conductor, to guy trying to hold the doors open at the station: Sir, this is not your train. I repeat, this is not your train.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Firestarter

Conductor: People, this is not an “I think I can” moment! Please stand clear of the closing doors!

–1 train

Overheard by: anna

Female conductor on 3 train, when doors don’t close: In the rear, whatever you have hanging out, pull it in!

–3 Train

Overheard by: J‑Mo

Train conductor, to someone blocking the doors: Sure, whenever you’re ready, we’ll move this train out of the station.

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: Murtwah

Conductor: Please stand clear the closing doors. [beep, doors close. Then they open again]. Please stand clear the closing doors. [beep again, doors close. Then they open again]. Please stand clear the closing doors. [beep again, doors close. Then they open again.] Get yo’ foot out a de do’ foo’!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Nick