Fa­ther to young son: We’ll get an apart­ment in Ken­tucky. Then you’ll on­ly have to go to school through 6th grade.”

–NJ Tran­sit

Over­heard by: Dash­ing Dan

Jewy girl on cell: He’s an apart­ment bro­ker?… Last time you said he dealt with hedge funds… Yea, I don’t think they are the same thing.

–21st St & 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: Lezbotron

Guy: Well, my week has been in­ter­est­ing. Last month Mered­ith tried to sub­let my apart­ment right out from un­der me. So, this week I went through her stuff and mailed her boyfriend –wait no, fi­ancé– a re­ceipt from when she got an abor­tion last sum­mer.

–10th & 1st

Over­heard by: ED

Rea­son­able cop: Even though it’s a stinkin frig­gin apart­ment, he’s got a place to put his ug­ly fuckin head.

–Dunkin Donuts, Wood­side, Queens

Twink #1 to twink #2: I be­lieve in my heart of hearts that I should live in an apart­ment like the ones in Woody Allen movies.

–50th St & 9th Ave

Con­duc­tor on very crowd­ed F train: Those of you with very small apart­ments will ap­pre­ci­ate them now.

–F Train

Over­heard by: da sarkastik nin­ja.