Chick on cell: It at­tacked me this morn­ing. I at­tacked it this af­ter­noon.

–113th St

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy

Six-year-old boy on train plat­form to grown man eye­ing him: Stop look­ing at me or I’m go­ing to beat you up!

–NJ Tran­sit

Over­heard by: Turn­ing away now.

Hip­ster on cell: Wait…so he hit you with the broom first, right?

–60th & Lex

Over­heard by: Easy Does It

Shop­per on her cell: If one of these lit­tle kids steps on my toes one more time I’m gonna pinch the moth­er­fuck­ers.

–Ikea in Red Hook

Woman in bath­room: No, there’s no toi­let pa­per. You wan­na throw down?

–Port Au­thor­i­ty