50-some­thing suit: In many ways I en­joyed his fu­ner­al re­cep­tion more than his wed­ding re­cep­tion.

–PATH

Over­heard by: Joe H.

Girl on cell: He died. They found his body. I don’t know, some­where in the Bronx. He was stran­gled or some shit. Yeah, he died from it. Oh shit, that’s why I for­got to send you the in­vi­ta­tion for the whatch­a­cal­lit, the fu­ner­al.

–Riv­ing­ton & At­tor­ney

Over­heard by: I was­n’t in­vit­ed ei­ther

Gay guy to friend: So I told John I would go to his fu­ner­al just to spit in his face!

–West Bank Cafe

60-some­thing woman to an­oth­er: So I’m glad I did­n’t go to his fuck­ing bitch sis­ter’s fu­ner­al. But now he’s mad.

–Cen­tral Park

20-some­thing guy on cell: Just ’cause I did meth with his daugh­ter does­n’t mean I’m go­ing to go to his fu­ner­al!

–7th Ave Sub­way En­trance