Big black cross­dress­er: Oh hon­ey, I know that no amount of surgery is go­ing to make me a di­va!

–3 Train

Over­heard by: Kailee McMa­hon

Moth­er to small daugh­ter: Hon­ey, don’t for­get to wash your hands. (girl scrubs hands for a long time) Hon­ey, you aren’t get­ting ready to per­form surgery. Hur­ry up.

–Wom­en’s Bath­room, The Met

Man: He had to have his top hat sur­gi­cal­ly re­moved.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Kevin

In­tern: La­tex gloves are for killing peo­ple, surgery and dy­ing your hair.

–1501 Broad­way

Over­heard by: Ran­di

Loud woman on phone: Yeah, he got his tubes clipped this week­end. He’s been fixed! Oh, but don’t tell any­one, he does­n’t want any­body to know.

–Dunkin Donuts

Girl on cell: How did teach­ing go? How was the surgery? Did hu­man skin taste good?

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: The Poog­tas­tic One