Female suit in bathroom stall: Well, are you gonna have those files? (pauses, makes bathroom noises) Okay, well, I need it today. Listen…okay…(pauses, more bathroom noises) Great! (pauses, toilet flushes) No, it’s okay, go ahead. (pauses) Okay, no, I’m really sorry – I’m just entering the subway, that’s what all that noise was. (storms out of the bathroom, doesn’t wash her hands)

–34^th St & 9^th St

Flustered 50-something suit: It’s burning! It’s burning!

–Penn Station Bathroom

Man in stall: There should be a law against what’s coming out of me.

–25^th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: I agree

Suit in bathroom on cell: Honey, I can’t talk to you right now. (pause) I’m in the bathroom! (pause) I’ve got a fucking dick in my hand! (pause) What do you mean whose dick?

–Restroom, Grand Central

Six-year-old kid, finishing at urinal: Shake the weasel!

–Men’s Room, Regal Battery Park City Cinemas

Overheard by: Russ Wall