Law pro­fes­sor: Some­times you just want to tell your client, “Wake the fuck up!”

–NYU Law School

Law stu­dent on cell: Well, it’s hard to lo­cate them, since I don’t know who they are.

–Co­lum­bia Law School

Over­heard by: arct­i­nus

Old­er look­ing woman on cell: No, don’t fight him, Hen­ry. We’re Jew­ish. God gave us lawyers for a rea­son.

–42nd & Av­enue of the Amer­i­c­as

Over­heard by: Eliz­a­beth

Awe­some judge: If you do not have a ba­sic un­der­stand­ing of the Eng­lish lan­guage, you will not be able to serve. If you can­not un­der­stand what I’m say­ing, please come up now. Now, two trans­la­tors will trans­late what I just said. If you un­der­stood what I said, ob­vi­ous­ly don’t come up here.

–Supreme Court Build­ing

Suit to girl: You must be a lawyer. (pause) Or a cunt.

–Bryant Park

Over­heard by: How did he know?

Thug: Don’t say any­thing to her! Don’t you know any­thing you say can and will be used against you in a court of law?

–132nd & St. Nicholas

Drunk lawyer on phone: Yeah! I con­vict rape vic­tims.

–Out­side Shea Sta­di­um