Gay guy on cell: And they had the guy with the biggest butt stand next to the guy with the sec­ond-biggest butt! Se­ri­ous­ly, what is wrong with them?

–6th Ave & 12th

Woman get­ting on a crowd­ed train, look­ing for a seat: See, I told you there would be a lot of be­hinds on this train!

–N Train

Over­heard by: Some be­hind lucky enough to find a seat.

Thug to an­oth­er: Af­ter I wipe his ass, I’m gonna beat his ass!

–86th & Park Ave

Woman on cell: So, what are you go­ing to tell him? “Sor­ry, I can’t mar­ry you–your ass is bro­ken”?

–1st & 23

Teen to friend: Why did­n’t he use a ten­nis rack­et? It would have left that waf­fle fry look on your ass.

–Bus to Penn Sta­tion

Skip­ping tween girl to met­ro­sex­u­al fa­ther: I’ve seen your butt, you know!

–72nd & Lex­ing­ton Ave

Over­heard by: Shan­non