Train con­duc­tor: East Broad­way, wel­come to Man­hat­tan. Es­pe­cial­ly you, tourists, you put my wife on the table–I mean, uh…my food.

–F Train

Over­heard by: pene­lope

Pe­tite 30-some­thing wash­ing clothes: Oh, no! His wife’s gonna be there. I got­ta get some ra­zor blades.

–Laun­dry Mat, Broad­way & Bush­wick, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Matt

Mid­dle aged suit to an­oth­er: So the main prob­lem my girl­friend and I have is that I re­al­ly get along with my wife.

–A Train

Over­heard by: Suzi

Thug to friend: There’s just one thing I want peo­ple to say about my wife. Not that she’s pret­ty, or that she’s nice. I want them to say, “man, that nig­ga’s wife’s got a fat ass!”

–Grand Con­course

Cop to crowd: I sug­gest you use the oth­er cross­walk, it’s less con­gest­ed. Stay here, risk your life…over there, save your wife!

–Ra­dio City Mu­sic Hall

Man on cell: You don’t love your wife?! (pause) Fuck you!

–42nd St & 7th Ave

Over­heard by: Am­i­na