Conductor: Check around, make sure you have all of your belongings. If you have small children, make sure you hold onto them. (in haunting tone) Wouldn’t want to see them disappear…into the gap.
Overheard by: Jess
Train conductor on PA: The last car is the quiet car. No cell phones or loud conversations please. If you need to have a conversation, please do so silently.
Conductress, in monotone: The next stop on this train will be Grand Street, the last stop in the borough…in the borough.…in the borough of Manhattan.
Overheard by: Jon A.
Conductor on PA: The next stop will be 51st Street. All of you lookin’ for the local train on the other platform: hey yo! We over here!
–14th Street Station
MTA conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this train will be out of commission, uh…right now. Get out!
Overheard by: Kellin
Train conductor: Ladies and gentleman, brace for impact. (pause) Nah…just kidding, I could never pull that shit off. Y’all lucky we underground! Have a safe day.