Suit on cell: Nev­er make any de­ci­sions af­ter drink­ing two pitch­ers of beer. Af­ter the first one, I was like “okay, this is what I’m do­ing.” But af­ter the sec­ond one, I end­ed up as di­rec­tor of the D.C. Unit­ed Way. At first, I was­n’t too wor­ried, be­cause I fig­ured they’d give me a drug test, and I knew I would­n’t pass.

–6 Train

Hope­ful-look­ing guy to con­cerned-look­ing guy: Ba­si­cal­ly, you’re not ready to be an al­co­holic, so you should stay away from al­co­hol.

–Polk St

Girl to guy friend: She’s a great drunk. She’s prob­a­bly one of the best peo­ple to hang out with when she’s drunk.

–Pratt In­sti­tute

Over­heard by: T

Hawk­er: It’s hap­py hour! Come on up, and I’ll watch your kids while you get drunk.

–Plan­et Hol­ly­wood

Girl, dur­ing lunch: I’m not drunk any­more!

–W 4th & Uni­ver­si­ty Place