Woman with strong Southern accent: I am gonna have her bachelorette party in my apartment next weekend.
Woman: But the goddamn stripper won’t return my phone calls.
(waitress brings shots)
Woman: What is this?
Waitress: Tequila, on us.
Woman: This’ll put hair on my boobies.
Husband’s friends: That’s just how he likes it.
–Brother Jimmy’s BBQ, Upper West Side