Guy: Do I look like I or­dered straw­ber­ries and cream? I have tat­toos on my head and face!

–Star­bucks

Be­ing a full-time tran­ny is like hav­ing a tat­too on your fore­head. Like, you can’t work, like, what do you do?

–Brook­lyn

Cus­tomer to an­oth­er, about bar­ber: Take him for ex­am­ple, he was in the spe­cial forces. He’s got a big tat­too on his arm that says, “Kill ’em all, let god sort ’em out.” Drop him off in Prospect Park to­day and to­mor­row he’ll be eat­ing a sand­wich.

–Park Slope Bar­ber Shop

Over­heard by: ian day­walk­er

Chat­ty young woman to bored-look­ing guy friend: You know, my shoes would re­al­ly look a lot bet­ter if I had a foot tat­too.

–D Train

Man with tat­too that reads “don’t go to hell” to friend: There’s a fun­ny sto­ry be­hind this tat­too. I was dat­ing this bitch, and she would wake up every morn­ing and suck my dick. Or fuck the shit out of me. And then tell me I was go­ing to hell. You have no idea what this bitch put me through. I mean, sex­u­al­ly, she was great. We’d go out to bars and both of us would pick up chicks, so that by the end of the night we’d have two or three women hang­ing around us try­ing to go home with us.

–Chipo­tle

Over­heard by: Jana