Bored bus dri­ver: This is El­dar Av­enue. Next stop is Kisse­na boule­vard, and for those of you wear­ing head­phones: blah blah blab­bity blah.


Over­heard by: Car­olyn S

An­i­mat­ed Bolt­Bus dri­ver: If you’re talk­ing on your Black­Ber­ry, your straw­ber­ry, or to Halle Berry… Well, in that case, let me know…


Bus dri­ver: Ladies and gen­tle­men, please con­tin­ue mov­ing to the rear end of the bus. The soon­er you move, the soon­er we move. Thank you for your co­op­er­a­tion. (long pause) Those who are co­op­er­at­ing… ladies and gen­tle­men, please step in. Watch the clos­ing door. It’s about to close ri­i­i­i­ight now.

–101 Bus, Harlem

Bus dri­ver: Now the road may get a bit bumpy. Just keep in mind it’s not my fault, it’s not the bus’s fault, it’s the as­phalt.

–Port Au­thor­i­ty Bus Ter­mi­nal

Bus dri­ver: On your left you’ll see men wear­ing or­ange vests, they are vol­un­teers, they are help­ing their com­mu­ni­ty. (long pause) They en­tered through the back of the bus or jumped over the turn­stiles, and got fined. They could­n’t pay the tick­et, so the city lets them work it off, on­ly for a day or two, so they don’t have to pay the tick­et. So don’t en­ter through the back of the bus or jump the turn­stiles.


Bus dri­ver: Please keep your voic­es low when us­ing your cell phones. Last week a woman re­fused to heed that ad­vice, so I strand­ed her at the first rest stop. That was my moth­er.


Over­heard by: Mil­i­tantLezbian