Suit on cell: And your pe­nis is big­ger now?

–68th & Lex­ing­ton

Guy: I’m be­ing to­tal­ly hon­est, you guys…I pulled my groin play­ing ping pong.

–51st & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Mike Bar­ish

La­dy: Well, I don’t think he re­al­ized I was a hook­er!

–73rd & Broad­way

Over­heard by: San­dro Olivieri

Girl on cell: So he was a big guy, and he was pret­ty big, but not that big, but I’m, like, tiny, so we tried, but it would­n’t go in. Are you lis­ten­ing to me? No, it would­n’t fit…what could I do? I dropped to my knees and did what I could, but we just won’t work.

–West Broad­way & Hous­ton

Over­heard by: Dar­by O’Gill

Mus­tache: I walked in and it was clear­ly a gang bang gone awry.

–Dive bar, 96th Street