Sev­en-year-old boy to fa­ther: Did you know that when you get in­to mid­dle school, all the girls care about is whether you’re rich and have a cute ass? In el­e­men­tary school, they on­ly care about if you can run fast. If you run the fastest, you get all the girls.

–Flush­ing, Queens

Over­heard by: Tara

Small boy to teacher in in­creas­ing­ly pan­icky voice: Is this Nar­nia? We’re not Nar­ni­ans yet, right?!

–NYU Kim­mel Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Nar­nia @ NYU?

Five-year-old to three-year-old broth­er: Lis­ten, we’re go­ing to have food all win­ter. It’s hi­ber­na­tion. You know what hi­ber­na­tion is, don’t you? Hi­ber­na­tion is when an­i­mals eat a lot of food and sleep all win­ter. We’re gonna hi­ber­nate!

–M104 Bus

Over­heard by: Saman­tha

Lit­tle kid: Grand­ma, smell this! It’s Ob­ses­sion for Men!

–Bergdorf Good­man

Sob­bing five-year-old girl to mom in CD sec­tion: I wan­na down­load, I don’t wan­na waste my mon­ey.

–Bor­ders, Colum­bus Cir­cle

Over­heard by: Can records la­bels sue tod­dlers?