Fe­male stu­dent on cell: We don’t know any­thing un­til we know some­thing.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Bald­ing mid­dle aged man guid­ing mid­dle aged woman down stairs: Step, step, step, step. Flat, flat, flat, flat. Step…

–Co­lum­bia

Yo­ga in­struc­tor to skin­ny col­lege girl: Turn your head to the left. Turn your head to the left. The left. The left. The left. Your oth­er left. I know you go to Co­lum­bia.

–Bikram Yo­ga, Harlem

Over­caf­fi­nat­ed Co­lum­bia fresh­man girl to an­oth­er: What do you mean your so­ci­ol­o­gy text­book ate King Lear?

–Car­man Hall, Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: that would make it dif­fi­cult to fin­ish ei­ther read­ing