Conductor: For reasons known only to the sadists who run the MTA, this downtown d train will be making all local stops to 59th Street.

–D Train

Conductor: 125th Street, next stop is 116, stand clear of the closing doors. (more quietly) You know, I’m kinda thirsty.

–Downtown C Train

MTA employee: This is the last stop on the q train. Please take all of your personal belongings… and don’t forget your children.

–Coney Island

Overheard by: Victoria

Train driver, announcing last stop: This is it. There is no more… Nothing else.

–Times Square Subway Station

Overheard by: NYCQ