20-something girl to friend: It was really awkward talking to him while holding the baklava I was stealing.

–Barnard College

Overheard by: Elizabeth

Girl: No! I am not trying to rob a bank.

–Times Square

Woman, shouting to herself in bathroom: Patrick Swayze’s in the bathroom, tryin’ to tell everyone to get out or they’re gonna get robbed!

–Women’s Room, Penn Station

Overheard by: Katie

Enormously fat woman, with great pride: I could leave my uncle alone in my house for hours, and he will not steal from me.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Paul

Middle-aged businesswoman in slow drugstore checkout line: I work upstairs, and I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been here to pick something up, and just walked right out without paying for it because they took so long.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: slurpeefiend