Teenager in oversized sweatpants: When I smoke pot, it just helps me unclench my butthole.

–Sheepshead Bay, Brooklyn

Overheard by: POLA

Undergrad: Those were weed brownies? That’s why I felt so weird!

–Butler Library, Columbia University

College boy on cell: The way I see it, with the amount of money I have, I can either get two pills, which doesn’t even get me that fucked up anymore, or I can just buy a shitload of weed.

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Stoner to orthodox Jew: Hanukkah? Marijuanica.

–St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: Nora Claire