Little girl to babysitter: If there’s one person I would want to eat in this whole world it would be Santa Claus. I bet he tastes like mint… and candy. Or maybe the Easter bunny. He probably tastes like prizes.

–72nd St & 3rd

Overheard by: TA who hears everything

Girl: Right? A good assessment of my family is: we eat our young.

–Brooklyn Botanical Garden

Shirtless crazy man walking behind heavy set woman: I would love to eat that ass! Suck it real good…

–Q Train

Overheard by: baconista

20-something: No, I can’t take a later flight – apparently I have an ass-chewing first thing in the morning!

–LaGuardia Airport

Grocery-carrying mom to tantrum-throwing boy: You scream one mo’ time, I slap yo’ butt on this here wonder bread and we be eatin’ you fo’ lunch all week! (little boy sits down quietly and folds his mittens)

–F Train