College girl to friend: I feel like everyone who doesn’t like mayonnaise had a bad experience with jizz.

–Stillwater Bar

College girl: My mom told me not to get married, and then when I’m 30 she’ll buy me sperm so I can have kids. She told me, “you don’t need a man!” But the old fashion way is so much more fun than a turkey baster…

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Sammi G

Girl to her friend: If Brittany was composed of three things, it would be jizz, tears, and glitter.

–86th St & Broadway

Overheard by: DAR

Trashy hot girl to friend: Whatever! By the end of the night you had what you needed to be his baby’s momma running down your chin. Do you think he’ll let you get that close again?

–1 Train