Kid to friend: My grandpa and his twin brother get these crazy deals at this discount veterans’ liquor store in Ohio. It’s pretty much the happiest and saddest place on earth at the same time.

–Huckleberry Bar, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Shannon

Girl on cell: I had the worst diarrhea yesterday from drinking bourbon all night. (pause) I know, it gives me the bum-wees too!

–NYU

Overheard by: What-the?!

Wandering elderly man, loudly to himself: Let’s have a shot of whiskey and get this relationship ova with!

–W 62 & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Assistant To The Locksmythe

Mother, very nonchalantly, to child: Let’s go get mommy a beer.

–Prospect Park Bandshell, The Swell Season Concert

Overheard by: Mat the Oz