Barnard freshman: My standards for an attractive guy have lowered so much since I got here that I’ll now date anyone with a penis-like protrusion.

–Outside Psi U House, 114th & Broadway

Coworker: Relationships are not just rainbows and unicorns and bacon and puppies and sriracha sauce, you know!

–52nd & 6th Ave

Overheard by: simon

Girl to friend: My one and only internet date was a satanist. In the end, it wasn’t so much that he was a satanist, as that he always had to be right.

–Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Girl in bathroom at bar: I hate being in relationships and dating guys! It’s so complicated and pointless… Like when I dissected a frog in bio! Oh, wait… I don’t think I’ve ever dissected a frog, shit! I don’t know what it’s like then, but it sucks!

–Midtown

Ivy league student: No, we have a “grinding is okay” clause in our relationship contract.

–Ave A & 2nd St

Girl to guy: No, you are not going to start swinging tonight. We are on a date!

–Bedford & North 6th

Overheard by: Amanda