Conductor: This is the one train goin’ Express Express Express! From 137th Street to 96th Street. I repeat, Express to 96th Street. If someone next to you is wearin’ headphones and they music is blarin’ and you think they did not hear this announcement, kindly nudge them on the shoulder and enlighten them. Due to necessary track work, this train is goin’ what now? Express! Express! Express! That’s right, yeah you heard me. Express to 96th Street. Woo! You ready, my friends?! Here we go! Here we go! Here we goooo! Oh, and stand clear of the closing doors. Come on now, I’m ready to go.

–1 train

Overheard by: enlightened

Conductor: This is 9th Street. Transfer is available for the f train at the front of the platform by taking a ridiculously long staircase.

–9th St & 4th Ave

Overheard by: Marcin W

Conductor, over loudspeaker: Do you guys really have to hum to each other in front of everybody like that?

–Metro North

Overheard by: Tim

Train conductor: Attention passengers! 149th St. & Grand Concourse is the laaaast stop. You heard that? The laaaaaaaaast stop! That’s right. Enjoy your Wednesday!

–2 Train

Overheard by: Joseph

Announcement on loudspeaker: Ladies and gentlemen, this is not Times Square.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Dawn Duffey