Suit on phone: So the asshole is chewing me out and I said “Well, don’t blame me! The monkey’s butt was red when I got there!” Well, that shut him up, cause he knew I was talkin about him…

–Columbia

Overheard by: Smileythedog

Husband to wife, about towel with monkey design: That’s a culturally biased rag, because it has monkeys on it.

–Target, Gateway Center

Overheard by: Scott Hutchins

Raspy hobo: Hey sweetheart, whatchya got in dat bag? A baby gorilla?

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Lisa

Excited little boy to dad: He looked like a huge gorilla with slimy skin, and he had a salamander face on his fingers!

–DeKalb Avenue, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Morning Glory

Girl: Just stop. Stop! Enough with the fucking monkeys!

–Khyber Pass Restaurant, St. Mark’s Place