Girl on phone with mom: It was the worst day of my life! Ducky and Phil were both in the car smoking, thinking they were above the law and shit. And I know the cops were just questioning me because I had big boobs.

–1 Train

Girl: Hold on, you’re garotting your boob.

–170^th St & Audubon Ave

Large black woman on cell phone: It doesn’t my fault he was sucking on my titties in the club…

–Penn Station

Gay design student to female friend: You’ll get to meet Ryan, the guy I have a crush on. He’s doing the costume designs, so he’s gonna touch your boobs and stuff. Get excited.

–Union Square

Skinny black dude on cell entering office tower: Yes, youse is fat… But you got big soft titties.

–54^th & 6^th

Overheard by: Gregorian Chant